This time a year ago, I was pregnant and didn’t know it yet. A year later, I am neither a mother to a 4-month-old nor am I pregnant again. It hurts. I know, I know, my chance is just around the corner. But it’s just a chance — and fear courses through my veins. I … Read More about Statistically Speaking… Well, What Do You Think About These Numbers?
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Birth Story Part 2: Recovery
{ Read Birth Story Part 1: Delivery here. } After DH left the OR, he called my dad to let him know the baby was born and that things weren’t going so well for me. He texted my brother, Teddy, in London. As it happened, Teddy was with our mum, step-dad, and sister. And then … Read More about Birth Story Part 2: Recovery
Birth Story, Part 1: Delivery
I had a caesarean birth plan, a list of preferences. But that’s mostly all they were – preferences. Loss and infertility have taught me that sometimes the best laid plans go to waste and you have to adjust your expectations. Whatever would happen on October 24, there were four things that transcended any mere preferences: … Read More about Birth Story, Part 1: Delivery
18 Weeks / Anatomy Scan
I’m trying to remain calm. Oh so calm. But I’m teetering on the edge of freaking out. I’ll start with the bad news. At today’s anatomay scan, I had to have my first trans-vaginal exam since graduating from my RE. Long story short, not only do I have placenta previa — where the placenta totally … Read More about 18 Weeks / Anatomy Scan
London, and What Happens Next
I just joined a support group for third party reproduction and had to introduce myself. Thought I’d kill two birds with one stone by re-posting an expanded version here. It’ll explain what’s going on to long-time readers, but also bring new readers up to speed. Sorry for the long post. I considered breaking it up … Read More about London, and What Happens Next
12 Weeks / Nuchal Scan
I popped my last estrogen and progesterone pills last Wednesday and bid hello to the second trimester on Thursday morning. By Thursday night, I had the beginnings of a headache that turned into a migraine with vomiting. I attribute it to progesterone withdrawal — after all, I was on 200mg vaginal and 200mg oral daily … Read More about 12 Weeks / Nuchal Scan
My Reproductive Story
TL;DR ♥ Stage 2 endometriosis ♥ Miscarriage ♥ Chemical pregnancies ♥ Diminished Ovarian Reserve (DOR) ♥ Genetic Disorder (Balanced Pericentric Inversion of Chromosome 8, aka inv8) ♥ Pregnancy PTSD ♥ Donor Egg IVF (DEIVF) ♥ Complete placenta previa ♥ Succenturiate lobe ♥ Planned caesarean at 37 weeks ♥ Placenta accreta (Surprise!) ♥ Villitis ♥ Postpartum … Read More about My Reproductive Story
Crossroads and Superstition
What do making a career change and making a baby have in common? Both paths are bumpy, with no guarantees, and you don’t know where you’ll end up when you start walking. But as you make your way blindly, you trust that this is the right path. You have faith that things will work out … Read More about Crossroads and Superstition
Please Don’t Take My Sunshine Away
It’s late Saturday evening. DH is at a baseball game with his dad and cousin (who is more like a brother) and I am having a quiet evening in. I decided to make jam — Peach, Habanero, and Lemon Basil — which takes a long time. (I will post the recipe soon!) As I waited … Read More about Please Don’t Take My Sunshine Away
Dear Little Mizuko Bean
Dear Little Mizuko Bean, Twice as much time has passed since you stopped growing as you ever lived. I’m learning to move forward with your void. I think about getting my first tattoo to honour your memory, but I don’t think any single image would suffice. I knew I was going to get pregnant in … Read More about Dear Little Mizuko Bean